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| Saturday, January 22nd, 2005 | | 11:44 pm |
snow makes my heart melt.
I'd like to start this off with how much I hate snow. Of course Courtneys first entry back starts off with her complaining. If you don't wanna read it,then dont. As I was saying. Even thought I hate snow, I went for a walk in it. at 10:30 at night, walking down white streets with not a car in sight,or person, is extremely peaceful. I realized that I'm scared. And what it is, is really stupid. I always know what I should do,as in,who I should leave because I put so much effort into trying to help them, be there,whatever. And I waste so much time and energy thinking for them when I can't even get a decent conversation or whatever. And I can't leave them because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose them. Because they mean so much to me. Well. I don't care anymore. So if you don't hear from me or see me, you know why. Hollister is my new obsession. I have 3500$ in the bank for a car. I was going to buy an old 94 Black Jeep Cherokee LE in Stirling, but its not for sale anymore. The stang is gonna have so many problems. It was all just a dream. I've become insanley distant from people. I love work. Yes, I am insane, but theres something about working in a different town,meeting new people and actually liking them, and making my own money.there really isnt much more to say. maybe ill find a fun what do ya call it. wow how can i forget the name of those things. i really havent been here in a while. | | Friday, June 11th, 2004 | | 4:34 pm |
ventilation.
so,i made a list today of all the people i truly love.and its pretty damn sad how theres only like 10 people on it.and when i say love,i mean truly care for who do anything for.and the one person i thought would be on that list isnt.anyway.so basically the rest of the world could be lying dead on a sidewalk and id keep walking.i dont care.and im proud.because im fine with me and my 9 loves.i dont need anymore. dad,thanks for taking my 23,000.way to go.leave me 45 cents ya fucking bastard. jenns birthday is sunday and her party is tomorrow.i cant believe shes 17 already.weve been dreaming of driving for years now,and it came so fast.pretty soon we'll be off to college. graduation is next thursday.took off work.melissas going away.i dont know what im gonna do without her.seniors got their yearbooks today,saw our page.made me really sad,this is by far the best yearbook yet.prolly better than my senior book.that list of loves,theres only 3 children on it that go to my school.nice how i have a bond with all my classmates,eh? so while the next three days are jenns(gets her liscense on monday,pimpin out the volvo,or vulva,cuz im cool and renamed it)ive got finals to get thru.had spanish(easy) math(ken suck it)im good to go. thats all for now really.fams gone,im gonna take advantage of the peace and quiet.later. | | Thursday, May 27th, 2004 | | 4:24 pm |
so im in florida. nothings new really. going out with tyler. missing someone i shouldnt be missing. cant wait till fuckin summer. need to get out of this place. going to south carolina with marc for the fourth of july.cant wait. nothing else to write except im still the same old me.im been busy lately so i havent had much time to think.but when i do,i just realize more things.so its good that ive been busy.thats all that i really have to say.to all my friends(my true friends that is),thank you,i dont know what i would do without you.im beginning to realize whos been there from the start and who didnt even take a step into a friendship i thought i had.o well.no loss.and i finally get that.. | | Thursday, May 6th, 2004 | | 10:41 pm |
so i havent written in a while.and i really dont care.so ill just update you on my lovely life. tylers back.funny story.but im not gonna write it.too long.if ur one of my friends,you already know it. proms next week and my life is so hectic.prolly nothing compared to others,sucks for others.but i havent made my hair appointment yet,nor do i know what i want done with it.nice life.cuz ur gonna look good.manicure and pedicure is scheduled for tuesday at 6..working thursday from 330 to 730..lets see if i can bag grocies without breaking a nail.sunday(mothers day) im working from 12 30 to 9.i havent even gotten her a gift yet.im a horrible person.no sarcasm. my moms car was hit today.she dropped me off at work and when i got out of the car,i was like,what happened to ur car?shes like what..seems that when she was at one of her jobs,a tractor of some sort hit it and ran.o and they work for berkeley heights.nice town we got here.real trustworthy.when you damage someones property,you leave an apology...whether its an inanimate object or something that can feel. dont feel like writing anymore.nice life.toodles. | | Saturday, April 17th, 2004 | | 12:02 am |
nothings changed.skate and surf tomorrow.i dont wanna go anymore.plans are getting really fucked up and i have no patience for this shit. louise brought up a good point today.about tyler.she said"even though that sucks,its kind of nice in a way.do you really want someone thats easily influenced?"we hung out tonight,and we havent done that in a while.since freshman year.and that was a long time ago.like over a year ago.were planning on chilling next weekend cuz im booked this weekend.and who knows when im working.dont get my schedule till tomorrow.and that doesnt matter cuz the more i work the less im home.and the less im home the less i have to see kris and mom.school then off to work is a good thing.i love it. im tired.bed.night. | | Wednesday, April 14th, 2004 | | 11:03 pm |
still here.alive,unfortunatley.
havent written in a while.dont know what to say.except nothings changed.people still act like sheep. one thing i would like to share.i hate how people hate other people because the person being hated on did something to their friend.im beginning to realize that while it is good to be there for your friends,why risk your relationships?im just saying whats between two people,should stay between two people.the only reason i bring this up is because i read a note of someones,not saying who,but this someone said something about a kid that never did shit to them.whats the sense in that?there is none.another thing,lately,thats been pissing me off,is my relationship with someone else.this isnt the first time ive thought about it.but i probably should think nothing of it.so.onto other news. things with tyler are over.so far.supposedly the age thing really got to him,but i cant even count how many times he said he didnt care about it.as far as im concerned, hes making a mistake and this'll prolly end up where every other one of my half assed relationships have gone.nowhere.the next guy better be more than a month fling thing,or else im turnin in my straight card for a shiny rainbow one.which aint so bad.isnt there supposed to be a pot of gold at the end..? im tired.going to bed.another night of not doing homework.and i ask,what is life?and why are we to live it.we are just going to die anyway. | | Monday, April 5th, 2004 | | 1:47 am |
well its 1 47 and my clocks slow a few minutes.ive had an eventful night to say the least.the wind is blowing,so i might as well get in bed so i can listen to it.id just like to say beforehand that this journal really comes in hand where i can write whatever the hell i want in it,when i want.which is not true.because i dont have the patience to write in it,and whenever i write something out in full detail,in my mind,it wont make sense to any of you. ...any of you. so after tonight,speaking to the people that i did,the things we talked about,id say limit yourself to 5 friends.its better off that way.if you have nothing to say to me,then dont bother acknowledging me in anyway.forget about me.just do it.its not worth it.because when you try,when you talk,i try to understand.and im not just talking about one person.im talking about people in general.just leave me the fuck alone.unless you have something really good to say.and even then i might have to reward you with a big slap to the face.good night all. | | Friday, April 2nd, 2004 | | 3:42 pm |
Ty gets off work at 930,and is going to chrises right afterwards.So I'll see him for a good hour considering my curfew is 11 o clock.I love where were going.I just hope I don't get distracted.(Liz,you know what I'm talking about.) One fun thing I'm doing today is making a Music List for Mr.Closs.He told me he likes the music I listen to,so I told him I'd make him a music list every week with ten songs or so.So I'll have fun doing that.Anything with music I'll do. I really need a cellphone.With all the numbers from guys I'm getting( I don't know why but their giving them to me),I have no place to put them.As for spring break,alot of people want to hang out with me.Cait screamed at me in the hall today that she wants to hang out and to call her,we'll go out to Johnnys.To see her lovah Alex.haha.And Liz wants to chill also which I'm looking forward to,and Kevin wants to chill now,cuz I've been forcing it into him for the past like month and half.Prolly more.But I think it finally affected his brain.So yeah.Hopefully gonna do that. Tyler just called me and apologized for stopping texting me online,he got a call from his cousin,apparently one of his friends died over the weekend and they have to go to the wake that starts at 5.So he has to go home,change,and get to Montclair.:( I told him to feel better,and he said thanks,that he's goin back to work after,but he'll definitly be at chrises.I'm excited.laters dudes. | | Sunday, March 28th, 2004 | | 11:16 pm |
Tests
Sex Test Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with 6 people! And you'll first have sex at age 17, in the backseat of a car. You are 24% sexy. I am the.. The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth CONSIDER: The Loverboy I am a JUDGE (Dominant Introvert Concrete Thinker ) Courtney Hague Like just 3% of the population you are a JUDGE (DICT). Your affinity for facts and analytical approach to life help you some complex problems and make tough decisions that others cannot. But don't think you don't act like a bitch a lot of the time. You jump into arguments and hold grudges like crazy. Try jumping into the sack and holding buttocks, instead. You could probably use some love. While some may see you as a bit overbearing and arrogant, your friends know that you are a trustworthy person with depth and a strong sense of righteousness. Although you are introverted and somewhat reserved, you have a forceful personality that your friends appreciate and your enemies fear. God help them. God help all of us. | | Friday, March 26th, 2004 | | 10:31 pm |
this is so sick.im at chrises.and him and tyler just left.and i told chris last night that i liked tyler.and he talked to him about it today.talked to tyler that is.and tyler said age is just a number.which is good.i think things will work out between us.but they had to leave cuz one of tylers friends was spazzin out so they had to go get him.and of course im left here cause i have a cool curfew.i hate this.i feel so empty without him.and ive only known him for like a month.ive gotta stop thinking like this.but he makes me happy.why is there a churning feeling in my stomache ever since he left then.and all i can do is listen to runaway by bon jovi.get it.i feel like puking.i better see him tomorrow night.im gonna cry myself to sleep tonight.and i dont even know why. | | Wednesday, March 24th, 2004 | | 10:11 pm |
nice life...good day.
So heres the rundown from the morning to right now. We had a substitute first period cause my spanish teachers husband has a stroke and is in the hospital.Second period math I think I actually aced the test.or quiz.whatever.it had to do with math and thats all that matters.i think i got over a 90.so i cant wait to see it tomorrow.hopefully she'll have them graded by then.soo nothing really great happened until the end of school. It's Shaynas 17th birthday today.She got her liscense.I knew she would,she great at everything she does.So she's waiting for me at my locker after school and I give her her gift.We go to her car in the front(she parked in a no parking zone,go shay)haha,and were off.Her car is a 99 Red Eclipse.That car was made for her,I swear.She looks perfect in it.So cute.So we got to my house and took some pictures.Then she was off to drop her brother off somewhere and to dinner with Rob. Worked from 4-8.Got my paycheck from last week.77$ bitch.And with the last one added to it,it came to 96$.So Saturday morning after the dentist,were going to the bank to create an account for me.Excitedness. I got the definite plans for Penn State today.Were leaving the 7th,staying until the 9th.Can't wait. Note To Self-Cant work 7th,8th,9th,17th,or 18th of April. I'm working tomorrow from 4-8 and Sunday 4-9.And Sunday pays 8.50 an hour.Go courtney. It's supposed to be 67 degrees on Friday.Can't wait.How nice of a night that's gonna be.And spent with Tyler as well.I hate it when you're with someone and you're stuck in a house when you could be outside chillin.I hate wearing coats and being cold.I like wearing nothing and being free.That is my quote for the night.Now your job is to download this song of the day cuz it is great. Poison-Fallen Angel. My stomache is growling.I now need some shmeernoff.Toodles Tutz. | | Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004 | | 3:16 pm |
Ok so moms at work until 6 and im stuck babysitting.cuz my sisters too irresponsible and what not.So im planning on taking my brother downtown with me at 330 to pick up a few things at drug fair.but melissa just called and i forgot we have hurlmans party to go to since hes leaving at 6 to go to the army.so idk.waiting for mom to call back.thats about it.laters folks. | | Sunday, March 21st, 2004 | | 9:28 pm |
Just got back frmo Chrises house.Went over at 1-45.Chilled with Tyler.I'm falling for him bad.I can't stop thinking about him,and it makes me so happy just thinking about him.I was just talking to Liz,and I was like,"Whenever I think about him I smile..I'm such a sap.." and shes like,"who cares,he makes you happy." And that's true.So what.He makes me smile.Those are the words of a smart girl. Working from 4-8 on Monday,Weds,and Thurs.Nice life.Tuesday after mom gets home from work were goin to the mall for my prom dress shit.So I'll prolly bring Jenn along. I can't wait to go back to Chrises.Basically I can't wait till I see Tyler next.I'm hoping we can all go out again Friday like we did this weekend.That rocked.Tylers awesome.I like him so much.The end. | | Saturday, March 20th, 2004 | | 10:53 pm |
I just got back from Phonishias house.Her dad just bought a brand new Escalade.Dark blue,chrome rims,navigation system,and their getting dvd players installed next week.So hot.We were driving,and we come to a stop,put on the blinker,and her dads like "woah,we have blinkers on our side mirrors?awesome!" haha.hes awesome.i always have so much fun when im there.i really miss her. We talked about tyler.I really like him.He's such a nice person.Jenn came over last night.Chris picked us up,and we headed to Tylers.Nice 20 minute drive to West Orange.Told mom we were going to J and J's to play pool.So we got there,and his house is so cute.You can tell their a really nice family.His mom is obsessed with leopard print..their bathroom was leopard print,so was another room that I like to call the Jungle Room,and so was a random pillow.The way he talks about everything..the way he smiles.I love to see him smile.And the deepness of his voice..and how he talks so slow.His little looks.Get me every time.I just wanna hug him and never let go.Idk.I really like him.And can't stop thinking about him.I'm wondering what he thinks about me being 16.There are the little things that make me wonder.We were in Tys room,and I said something about Chris being half Korean,and then Chris started joking around about me being German or something,and Ty is too,but Ty got up and was like yo,and got all up in his face.Idk,it made me wonder.Omg I want him so bad.We went to Applebees and ate,and got back to Chrises at 10 40.20 minutes of freedom left for me.So we go back outside,and it's me and Jenn,and I'm really hyper,so I'm jumping up and down to keep warm.And Tyler comes down and I jump onto him and he catches me.It was so cute.I didn't wanna let go.So we get in the car,and we drive 5 houses down,and stop and hes like damn,you do live close..he was expecting a longer car ride.So I say goodbye to Jenn,and I lean over to give Ty a kiss on the cheek,and he says"Stop over tomorrow,I'll probably be there" at chrises.So now I'm wondering if he meant that cuz he wanted to see me again or what.And I wonder if he was there tonight.Cause I don't know when I'm gonna get to see him again.Cause I'm so busy with school and work now.But I can't stop thinking about him and it's making me crazy.I fell asleep to him last night.I want to see him so bad.I wonder what he thinks of me.I wonder if he cares about age.I wonder if hes taking me into consideration at all. I'm gonna stop here.I'm thinking about him and could prolly write forever.So have a good night everyone and tata. | | Friday, March 19th, 2004 | | 3:15 pm |
I'm in a quite good mood.Liz drove me home today.And boy was that fun.From Coolio to Cardigans,and FatNick pressing his face up against the window screaming"I love you courtney",it was a great ride home.That and Liz is soooo cute.But of course she would be...she's ma sista.haha. : P Soo jenn's comin over at 6 30.Get my BLT pizza at 6.mmmmmm. -for once,i agree with her.this friendship is so gay..ur attitude brings me down.and frankly,i dont wanna put up with it anymore.i feel like im a shitty friend,and therefore im shitty.its done.nothings left,and i dont think there was anything to begin with. glad i got that off my chest.gtg.later. | | Tuesday, March 16th, 2004 | | 9:41 pm |
ook wanna know something really cool.ok ill show ya.
Finch would like to give their apologies to all of their fans and the people at Concerts East/Max Cruise for having to cancel their apperance at Surf and Skate Fest this year. Finch will be in the Studio at the time working on their new album, the follow up to 2002's What It Is To Burn. Look for a Finch tour this July. Once again we apologize to everyone and we hope to see you all as soon as the new record is finished!
awesome.cuz i wasnt going to see them or anything.its skate and surf,you fuckers.you know,i was really looking forward to seeing them,because ive heard both that they suck live,and that their great.and who better to judge than mwa.but alas,i must wait until july.which i guess wont be so bad.theyll play more than 6 songs,and itll be longer and better.another thing to look forward to.
as for looking forward to things,april is a very busy month for me.here it goes.
April 6th- Penn State.Get to visit Jay and have a great few days.
April 9th-This is when I come home from Penn State.Jay's comin back with me. : ) veryy happy.
April 17th- Skate and Surf.Starts at noon,ends whenever.Jenn is comin with me,and so is Melissa.Should be a blast.Even though Finch isnt going,which totally sucks ass,way to go fuckers,taking back sunday,story,midtown,MCR,and senses fail will still be there.Don't know what time were coming home. But we have to as some point because we have to be up bright and early the next day cuz we can't sleep in because of..
April 18th-Jenn and I are going to see the play Wicked in NYC.Front row center tickets.Her parents got her two tickets for christmas.A limo will pick us up at 1:45,and bring us back whenever.And I'm quite excited cuz I've never been to a play before.Only the Nutcracker in like 4th grade.I hardly even remember it,and I think I fell asleep.I'm obsessed with the Wizard of Oz,and being that it's coming from the Witches point of view,it's gonna be awesome.Were gonna get all dressed up and shit,and for once I have stuff to wear.I bought a new skirt over the weekend,its black,with pink silk on the bottom half,and black lace covering it,so I'll wear that,with my black and pink vans,my new mj hat,which is also black and pink,and ill find a black top to wear.gonna be rad.nothing less.
So that's my April for ya.Then in May 14th I've got prom,June 4th another prom,and june 16th Christina Aguilera and Chingy at PNC.Gonna be a hell of a few months.With everyone leaving,vacations,going to cali,concerts..idk how im gonna stand it.plus,this week is gonna be hell starting tomorrow.i work from 4-8 both tomorrow and thurs,fri im here until 6,then idk.if i dont end up seeing a movie,then ill prolly go to chris' and see tyler.but ill prolly do that anyway considering i live there on weekends.i really like him and cant stop thinking about him.im gonna go before i blabber on even more.shovel driveway time.night. | | Monday, March 15th, 2004 | | 9:57 pm |
melissa and i got the skate n surf tickets today.were also goin to christina and chingy on the 16th of june.oo yea.great way to end school.was supposed to go last year, but mom had to be cool and at the last minute say no.awesome mom.
( amys long ass survey cuz im bored ) | | Sunday, March 14th, 2004 | | 10:07 pm |
I really like Tyler. That's all I have to say. | | Saturday, March 13th, 2004 | | 11:26 pm |
umm great night.went to jays house,he had to return some videos so we went to stirling,dropped em off,and never came home.we ended up driving around till 10 30,getting caught up on everything,it was great.for the last half hour i drove.he has a 2002 xterra.nice.amy,i can see why you like it so much.nice traction.i felt like i was at the top of the world.i think thats why i like driving so much...you have control and it gets ur mind off bullshit.im going out there april 6th i think.cant wait.i gotta stop thinking about this.im smiling too much.im afraid my face will stay like this. Take me home tonight-Eddie Money good song,played it over 50 times tonight. later.good night.woo. | | Friday, March 12th, 2004 | | 11:09 pm |
do you hate me? ....good
because you're so fucking beautiful when you're angry
^ i love it.and its true.the most beautiful things come from the worst emotions.like when a guy crys,i find it a turn on.when a guy is screaming at a girl confessing his love for her and all the mistakes he made,as shown in movies,i find it so hot.i dont like all that simple shit.im not all about it.im a very weird person.and thats how i like to be.
went to chrises tonight.hung out with him jay and tyler.tylers cool.reminds me of aj.i think i wrote about it before.hes got the same witty sarcasm,which is awesome,cuz im a total ass like that,but hes so quiet.and you gotta watch out for that.just gotta.jays leaving for penn state sunday morning,so he told me i have to visit him tomorrow.im gonna be out from like 10 till 3ish so idk.prolly end up spending the night there.i really miss that kid.
i think thats it for this entry.ill ttyl.byes.. |
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